Seven Drunken Nights

Play recording: Seven Drunken Nights

Some women thinks that if a man comes home and he’s a bit wobbly, that he’s drunk. Now sometimes they could be wrong; sometimes the man could be camouflaging the drink to find out what was going on at home – who was ‘making the stew’ – or at home. But this was a married- a trooper, he was a trooper, and he used to come home on his horse every night. Well, on Monday he came home, and he saw another horse where his own should be.

Well, when he accused the wife of having somebody else in the house – very suspicious with the horse and saddle outside – she said, ‘You’re drunk! That’s a sow that’s expecting bonhams¹.’ And you know what? ‘No matter how many bonhams this sow was expecting, it’s not that big, with a saddle on!’ That’s what he said… Well, anyway, when you’re dealing with an educated audience, you don’t have to go through the whole week. You leave it to their own discretion what happens after a certain period.

As I came home on Monday night as drunk as I could be
I saw a horse outside the door where my own horse should be.
I called my wife and said to her, ‘Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns the horse outside the door, where mine should always be?’
‘Oh, you’re drunk, you’re drunk, you silly old fool, still you cannot see
That’s a sow with bonhams1 my mother sent to me!’
‘Well, it’s many a day I’ve travelled a hundred miles and more
But a saddle on a sow I never saw before.’

As I came home on Tuesday night as drunk as I could be
I saw a coat behind the door where my own coat should be.
I called my wife and said to her, ‘Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that coat behind the door, where mine should always be?’
‘Oh, you’re drunk, you’re drunk, you silly old fool, still you cannot see
That’s a woolen blanket my mother sent to me!’
‘Well, it’s many a day I’ve travelled a hundred miles and more
But buttons in a blanket I never saw before.’

As I came home on Wednesday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw two shoes beside the bed where my own shoes should be.
I called my wife and said to her, ‘Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns them shoes beside the bed, where mine should always be be?’
‘Oh, you’re drunk, you’re drunk, you silly old fool, still you cannot see
Them are two geranium-pots me mother sent to me!’
‘Well, it’s many a day I’ve travelled a hundred miles and more
But laces in geranium-pots I never saw before.’

As I came home on Thursday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a pipe upon the chair where my own pipe should be.
I called my wife and said to her, ‘Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that pipe upon the chair, where mine should always be?’
‘Oh, you’re drunk, you’re drunk, you silly old fool, still you cannot see
That’s a small tin whistle my mother sent to me!’
‘Well, it’s many a day I’ve travelled a hundred miles and more
Tobacco in a tin whistle I never saw before.’

As I came home on Friday night as drunk as I could be
I saw a head inside the bed where my own head should be.
I called me wife and said to her, ‘Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that head inside the bed, where my should always be?’
‘Oh, you’re drunk, you’re drunk, you silly old fool, still you cannot see
That’s a baby boy my mother sent to me!’
‘Well, it’s many the day I’ve travelled a hundred miles and more
But whiskers on a baby boy I never saw before.’

Well, now, as I said before, I think you’re all intelligent people, especially university students, you must be intelligent, so. He came home Saturday – but I don’t know about Sunday.